Dreams...

So I've been thinking about goals a lot lately. I had a conversation with my dad the other day about what I was going to do when I got out of college. I've thought about this topic a little, but I haven't sat down and thought out everything I plan to do after I graduate. I had the idea that I would just take a year off and earn some money so that I could actually afford to go to college, and potentially pick a major because right now I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life. It's quite scary honestly. I'm graduating in one year from this institution. I love Asbury, but I can't stay here forever, eventually I have to move on to real life. But real life scares me. I have to get a real job, I have to take control of my whole life, when I don't know what my life is for or what to do. I guess that's the way everyone feels, but I'm feeling this especially right now. I mean, I know I want to work in missions, but I don't know in what respect that is. I'm waiting on God, and I guess it's just a little frustrating, not to mention nerve-wracking, that he hardly ever shows up early, but only on time. I guess I need to learn that his time and mine are different, his being perfect.

But I digress to things of less ultimate importance to my life. I've decided to run for freshmen class sponsor for the new freshmen class next year. This position is unique to Asbury, and I would get to (along with a female sponsor) name the new class, serve as their governing body until they elect their own, give them their class colors, and class verse. It's a huge responsibility, but it's one I've dreamed of doing since I was a freshman here at Asbury. I mean, it's even a little more special to me now since my brother, Richard, will be in that class next year (at least as of right now he will be). I've prayed a lot about it, and while I'm still not 100 percent sure it's what God has for me, I figure I'll give it a shot. If I don't get it, it wasn't meant to be. I guess that's how I run a lot of my life, just go for it and what was meant to be will be. That may not be the best means of living one's life, but it's worked pretty well for me so far.

Returning to major life issues, I'm going to Ukraine this summer. I am psyched out of my mind that I get to go to Europe again for another summer. I will be going through the World Gospel Mission (WGM) as a volunteer in action (VIA). I'm most likely going to be working with youth and orphans as my internship, which I am so excited about. Ever since I was on SMT last summer, I have come to realize that I really love to work with youth. It's just an exciting premise. I love Eastern Europe, and think that might be where God is leading me to serve as a missionary. Maybe this trip will let me have a little more clarity on that. It seems in my life, that God hardly ever gives clarity before it is needed, and I assume this will be the same. Please pray for me as I work on this endeavour that is so important to me. I hope to really learn a lot on this trip. Visiting other places is great, and it's one of my favorite things to do in life, but learning how to be different from the world, to serve and be selfless, that's what it's really about. I want so much to help people through the work I do in my life, and while I may make it a little too glorious in my head, I can't imagine a better way to live one's life. I just have so far to go in my walk with Christ, that I hope he's able to use me in whatever way he sees fit this summer. It's usually different than what I imagine, so I won't be surprised if the summer is a total surprise. But I guess that's what dreams are. You think about them, but no matter what they always turn out different than you thought they would. Maybe that's for the best.

Peru 2008

I'll come up with a title later...

Okay, so I was supposed to start doing some homework this week that is due in the upcoming month. I figured that I had spring break, and not too many people would be home this week, what with my siblings still in school and both my parents working all week. Then why have I yet to read a single sentence of the book that I am supposed to read by next Wednesday? Why have I done no research for the extremely difficult exegesis paper that I have to write about a passage in John that I haven't even chosen yet? Oh, and it's due in like two weeks! I'm starting to realize how much of a procrastinator I really am. I have been by myself (with the exception of my sister, who has been too sick to be around much anyway) and have yet to take the initiative to do what I really need to do. It seems the only things I make a priority for in my life are the plethora of television shows that I "have" to keep up with (don't get me started) and the occasional book I read for fun, most of which are fiction. I mean, I'm going to graduate next year, and I haven't developed the basic habits that I think make an adult successful, like initiative, or not waiting until the last minute to do something I've had three months to do. Ok, I'm done now.

Anyways I'm at home right now, which is nice. It's really weird to be at home when you're in college. It feels like it always has, I mean it hasn't really changed all that much, but it's completely different at the same time. It's like I'm a visitor, which I guess in all literal appearances I am. But at the same time, as weird as it is to think that I don't really live here anymore, it's a good thing. I can't imagine living with my whole family anymore, and I'm sure they can't imagine living with me. It's a part of growing up, I guess, I'm just hoping not to become one of those 27-year-olds who still live in their parents' basement, living the "freed" life of a non-committal, narcissistic bachelor. Ok, that sounded a bit harsh, but I worry about these things, ok?

Now for art! Or at least my approximation of it. Today I give you one of my first photos I turned in for my open critiques. I haven't given it a title, but it's one of my favorites.
I took this during the big ice storm we had this January. My mom seems to think that I caught the image right as the tree branch was falling down, although that's not true. The more I take of these art classes, the more I realize that a lot of art is bs. I mean, you may intend for your art to represent a thought that you have, but when push comes to shove and you're trying to sell the piece or get a good grade, you'll let anyone's interpretation fly as long as it benefits you. Maybe not all artists are this way, but it seems like a lot at least let this happen. I'm sounding cynical again, but I'm really not. I'm ok with anyone saying what they think that my photo means, it still means the same to me.

I'm kind of finding a lot of religious tones through art. I've always been able to feel God asthetically, especially when I'm outside. I look at something that has been created, and just see its intricacy. Take a leaf for instance, all the veins that are capable to be seen through it, its color, its aroma. Every leaf, I've heard, can also be made into a fractal of some sort. That's just amazing, and seems to indicate to me a design purpose behind it. The Designer made all of this to be observed, so I guess that's why I love art. Art glorifies God's creative streak. I mean, he made everything, so he has to have a pretty good imagination. Photography is just the means that I use to show how beautiful everything is to me. Even the saddest image is glorifying the brilliance of God, who created it all. I mean, all emotion are brilliant if you think about it. We don't like to feel sad, but would we be fully human if we didn't? We're created in the image of God, so he must have these feelings as well. Only more so. God's sadness is perfect sadness, which is a weird concept to think about. But it's sublime to think that I can feel, that I have love and can love. I wouldn't have it any other way. And art shows that.

I couldn't think of a title for this post. It's a little appropriate to my indecisive and procrastinating nature. But I'm also trying to find a title that God has given me. I'm in the middle of life, and I'm trying to figure out what I want to do with it. But I guess I'm really looking for a title. I could go for the titles people bestow upon me, but I want the perfect title. In the end, that's the one the Designer gives to me, and he's already chosen it. I just have to look for the tones in the art of life, and I'll come up with the title later...as I draw closer to the artist.

Commendations on a still life.

So...I have no real reason to start a blog. Although I intend to start using this blog later when I go to Ukraine for the summer. I guess you can just take this as an outlet for my thoughts and feelings as I am going through life. I may be honest, or I may hide what I really think, but it will all hopefully be me.

Anyways...I felt like putting my two still life pictures for my current class in photography up. I really like them, and they speak to me. I like the still life genre, it is very easy to control, and the ultimate message is up to the artist. I like having that kind of control over what I am saying with a piece. For instance, with a landscape one is limited to the fickleness of the weather, with similar limitations for portraits (instead with humans). But with a still life, I control the light, the content, where they are placed, and what I want it to say. There are no accidental gusts of wind (although those can be beautiful in the proper perspective). Anyways, off of the rant and on with the pictures (I won't be so arrogant as to call them art).
This one I labeled "Fade to Black". I like it because it has a dark and gloomy aura around it, and I think it conveys my point pretty well. The dolls represent a family (which is what the babushka's represent anyway). The fallen doll is a member of the family that has passed on. The light is fading from it, while the other dolls move on and keep facing the light of light. This doll is lost in the darkness. I guess it could be a metaphor for salvation as well. It's really easy to add this kind of stuff after the fact. The next picture isn't my actual piece I turned in, but it is similar (my computer restarts whenever I open my cd-rom, so I will not attempt it for my other photo). Sorry it's sideways, use your imagination.
This one is called "Trash Heap Beauty". I like this one because it represents how life still grows even out of something that should cause death, like this aluminum can. Anyway, I'll try to keep up with this blog, although I'm not making any promises. I'll most likely use it a lot while in Ukraine, which I have mixed feelings about but am nevertheless excited.

David

A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell.
C. S. Lewis