Well, I'm leaving...

I'm so mixed in emotions about today. We're heading to Zaparozhzhia today to catch the train to Kiev so that I can leave Ukraine, possibly forever. While I am wildly excited to get to see my friends and family again (and I'm even a little excited to go back to school soon), I am also incredibly sad about all of the friends that I am leaving behind here. No matter what I do, I know that I will always remember this summer, and that it has changed me, hopefully for the better.

Well, this week has been pretty quiet. Each day we have done some of the work project (we finished two sides of the gate, that might be all that they end up doing because the other sides don't really matter), and do the kid's club. By the end of the week they had over 50 kids coming to the kid's club, and the last day 24 of them asked to accept Jesus as their savior. I'm not sure whether they meant it, but we made it clear that they should only do it if they wanted to. Doing kids' club with the Irish team has taught me a few things. One is that a person learns the best in their native tongue. It has sort of bothered me that they have had the memory verse being spoken in English this week. They had it written in Russian, but were asking the kids to memorize it in English. Not that they kids couldn't understand it (although some might not), but learning it in Russian I think would have been better for them. However, the kids did well on the memory verse. The last day of kids' club (yesterday), we did a drama of the passion story after Jesus had risen. I played one of the disciples and had fun. I didn't think it went too well, we had a couple of extra scenes thrown at us that we didn't know what to do, but it must have because right after this and a testimony was when the kids prayed to accept Jesus. Sarah from the team, who is 13, gave her testimony and it was lovely. The kids really like the team, and that is always good.

Since I didn't go to the orphanage on Tuesday (only one of the VIAs can go at a time to get more team members in) I went on Thursday. It was a lot of fun as usual, and I told the Bible story (which I told last week as well) about the Passover feast and Jesus washing his disciples feet. It was a little harder for the kids to sit still here, since most of them are under 7 years old, but several listened. I had fun playing with all of my kids that I love, Catya and Dennis, Daniel and Masha. It was so hard for me to leave, especially since some of the team members were crying too. I've got to know these kids over the past two months, and I care deeply about them. It breaks my heart to know they might not get to go home, and a lot of the older kids won't ever get a home. There were 8 new kids this week, and I was just so sad that that had to happen to them (especially since two of them were 12 and 13). I love them so much, and will miss them greatly. I just hope they don't see me leaving as me abandoning them. That is my greatest fear in all of this, I don't want to cause them any more pain. I gave all of them big hugs when I left, and I know I'll be praying for them.

I only worked in the youth center twice this week (it's only been open two days this week), and it was fun as usual. I played skip-bo, ping-pong, and many other games. Dennis told me on Tuesday that I play ping-pong "very badly", which I thought was funny. He always tries his hardest to find anyone but me to play with, not because he doesn't like me, but because he thinks he's too good for me and wants a challenge. The only thing is, the other person he can play is Matthew who is a lot better than he is (he beat him 6 times one day). Dennis is limited in his playing because of a physical condition that leaves his movements rather jerky. I have got to know a lot of the kids at the center very well, and ever since kids' club a lot of the local kids have been coming in every time it is open (we had over 20 in there one day!). Lots of kids who were at the VBS at the beginning of the summer have been coming, like Vlad, Sasha, Misha, Igor, and several others. There is also one older kid that I have been getting to know. His name is Zhenia, and he is 17. I got to know him when he would hang around the kids' club on his bike because his friends were going to the club. He wouldn't join in, but he would listen. Ivan from the team tried to talk to him one day, and I did a bit of translating for him as we talked about football (think soccer, not the American version). He eventually started coming to the club, but being older than most of the kids and being a teenage boy, he tended to cause disruptions and be a little rude. But he eventually started coming to the youth center, where Matthew, Bill, and I could talk to him and just hang out with him. Matthew and I have both talked to him (he knows a little English, and Dennis is his friend so he translates occasionally), and just loved on him trying to get to know him. I played ping-pong with him yesterday (and he was very nice and didn't play as well as I know he can, although that might be an insult I don't know). But when he left yesterday and knew that Matthew and I were leaving, he gave us both a big hug and held tightly. I hadn't realized that I had made any impact on him, but he seemed to genuinely care that we were leaving, and looked upset. Please pray for him, as he is one of the kids who prayed to accept Jesus, along with Dennis. He also gave both of us a big hug, and I'm going to really miss him and all of his trash talk, and asking me when I'm going to get a girl. Please pray for him as well as he gets to know Jesus (I think his mom is a Christian), as well as for his condition (and his mom, who is a diabetic). Actually, if you pray, just pray for all of the kids who accepted Jesus, and for those who didn't that a seed was planted and they might some day.

I may not be totally changed by this summer, but I know that I am different. I really respect the Ukrainians like I said before, and I will really miss getting to know them and their randomness. That sounds a little ethnocentric, but I think it's ok for this. I know that I will always think more globally now, because I have seen how other people live. The Ukrainians make so much less money, and don't have as many opportunities, but they have so much more fun than we do. I also know I will have more respect for different people, you just have to; after all God made them too. I'm growing spiritually like I haven't in a long while, and while I don't have the faith I should have, I'm not letting it keep me down. I know I want to be in missions in some respect, but I'll keep listening to hear what my calling is. Please pray for that and for patience for me. As far as communication goes, I've been able to learn a bit of Russian, and I know that I am now a master of pantomime (haha). But I have seriously gained some patience in waiting to understand what someone wants, which is essential to foreign missions. Being with the Irish has also taught me how American some of my views are. America isn't perfect (which I knew), but the whole world doesn't agree with us, including brothers and sisters in Christ. I have learned that that is the strongest bond, not nationality. I have really enjoyed talking to and spending time with the Irish team, and I will miss them (maybe I'll just show up on their doorstep one day, I could go for a visit to Ireland). I've talked about my call with them, and they have helped me to just seek the Lord in it. I know I love youth work now, and definitely not children's ministry. Youth are just awkward, but it's because they're getting to know who they are. They want to fit in, and it is our job as ministers of Christ to let them know that Jesus loves them like they are, and they fit perfectly with him.

I am going to miss so many people here. Igor, Vika, Bill, Oksana, all the kids at the orphanage, the kids from the youth center, the kids from camp, the other missionaries here (Bill, Betsy, Ernie, and Anna). Bill and Betsy have been like parents to me here, and have taken such good care of Matthew and me, I am so grateful I can't even say it adequately. Bill and Oksana have been like mentors to me, and I will miss just talking to them and getting to know them. I know they want me to come to Ukraine as a missionary, but I have to figure that out on my own. I will especially miss Igor and Vika, who have been like a brother and sister to me here, and whom I love very much. Igor especially (although I love Vika very much too) has been a true friend, and always talks to me and has gotten to know me. I just pray that God would bless all of these people beyond their dreams, and for their ministries. I just don't know how to express what they have all meant to me, so let it suffice to say that I love them all very much. We are leaving today at 3:30 to head for the train, and I will leave on a plane tomorrow at around 11. I'll get home 11 pm at home, and I can't wait to see all of you. This is probably the last blog I will put on here, with possibly the exception of my reflection paper I have to write. I might continue to use it just as a blog, but I doubt it, we'll see. But thank you so much for keeping up with my adventures here in Ukraine. I thank you so much for your prayers and thoughts, and just know I love you all with all of my heart. Thank you.

David

So, about the last few days...

These past few days here in Ukraine have been wonderful for me. Of course I am saying this as I am sitting in an air conditioned room, not working like I probably should be (although we only work in the mornings now because of the work team, we wouldn't usually).

Sunday was a really long day, but a really good day. We started off with a church service in Bethel Church (that's the church here in Berdyansk at the center). Like I've mentioned before, the music usually takes an hour or so to get through, and it is hard for me because I love to sing. I just can't sing in Russian yet, I can't really read fast enough (although I'm getting there) and I can't understand what I'm reading anyway. I really miss singing in church (I can't wait for next Sunday!), so you can imagine that I usually have a hard time on Sundays here. Anyways, they played all of my favorite songs that I've heard here in Ukraine during the service. It's hard to describe Ukrainian worship music, because it's kind of a conglomeration of many different styles of music. Usually they start off with a back beat from a keyboard, and then just add words to it. They can be tranlated worship songs from the states, or new ones written by the Ukrainians themselves. My favorites are the ones that are obviously Ukrainian. Russian/Ukrainian music has a rather sad note to it, and it always has a downbeat or a minor key. But the people are just so exuberant singing them that I love them. Then Garreth (the Irish pastor) preached on being "inclusive" people and not "exclusive". I agreed with a lot of what he said, but it's hard to pay attention when someone has to be translated (I could understand him, but he had to stop so Sergey, who is the pastor of Bethel church, could translate for the congregation). Then Maxim, a very godly man who goes to the church, was initiated as the church's first deacon. He and his wife were so happy, and it was wonderful to see the church love on him, and I know that he'll do a great job at it.

We next went to Primorsk after a quick lunch. We had a similar service here (although without music as they had already done it). The Irish team performed a song, I think called the "Lion of Judah", but it involves a very Irish drum beat and I really liked the song. Garreth preached again (I kinda wavered in my attention this time, half listening to a sermon on my ipod before turning it off because I felt guilty), and it was really hot in that service. The Ukrainians don't like drafts, so they keep windows closed usually, and with around 50 people in a room that was about 20 by 30 feet, it was very hot, especially because it was at least 95 degrees outside. After the service, however, the pastor of the Primorsk church, Arkodi, was ordained as a minister and made the "official" pastor of that church. I got to take a lot of pictures, and it was neat to see the four other pastors (Sergey, Garreth, Bill Brower, and Ernie) initiate a fellow pastor into their midsts. Arkodi was so happy, and his congregation truly love him because he cares so much for them and knows them so well. He's a really great pastor, and ordination will only enhance that (hopefully). It made me briefly consider going to seminary, but I'll have to think about that a lot before committing to it. But when the church started to love on him, the Ukrainians are so good at it. They congratulate you with the most heartfelt words, and even if you can't understand them you know they love you. It was my last Sunday, and Primorsk is where a lot of the camp kids I met go, so it was a little bittersweet to say goodbye to them. Vlada told Matthew and I that they would "miss us very badly". I know I will too.

That evening Vitalik (who went to camp, and goes to Bethel church) invited Matthew and I to go to his birthday party. He was turning 15, and in Ukraine it is traditional for the birthday person to throw their own party (and serve the guests as well). His dad (who happened to be Maxim, which I never knew until that point), picked us up and we went to the beach by Ernie and Anna's house. The beach at night was so calm and quiet, and there were hardly any people there. Vika and Igor, along with Vika's brother, came too (they live close to the sea), and we had a really great time celebrating Vitalik. The others played in the sea for a while (I couldn't because I didn't have my trunks on, it was all rather last minute), and then we ate. The food was amazing, shish kebab chicken with Asian marinade, it was soooo good. I also tried a new soda called Citron which was good, and drank Kvas again, but I still don't like it (I imagine it tastes too much like beer). Vitalik's little sister was there too, and she was adorable. She ran around and chased Matthew and he chased her, and she told Igor to chew with his mouth closed. It was a very fun and peaceful (we could see so many stars, and hear the waves lapping the beach) night that I won't soon forget. I am so glad for Vitalik, and he is a great young man. I know he'll be a lot like Maxim when he grows up (even though Maxim is his stepfather, but he doesn't treat him like that).

Monday Matthew, Igor, Vika, and I all went to the water park here called Akvapark (literally means "water park"). Matthew and I paid for Igor and Vika's tickets (I'm not sure they would have spent the money themselves) because we wanted to thank them for doing so much for us this summer. I am really going to miss these two almost the most out of everyone I've met. They have been there for us, and have constantly been friends with us the whole summer. I especially got close to Igor during camp and since then, and he and Vika are great people who love God with all their hearts. I'm truly going to miss them. Anyway, we had a blast at the water park. The rules are a lot less lax here than in the states, and you could often go down a slide whenever you felt like it (some didn't even have someone watching them). It was a relatively small park compared to the states, but the slides were very fun. There was a big green one that you slid down on a tube and would go backward and forward like a skateboard half-pipe, but you kept going down (I guess sort of like a snowboarding half-pipe). There was another one that was exactly like a half-pipe, and then another one that was like that, but you went up and then down another slide on the way back. The swimming pools were salt water, which was weird because the rest of the park ran on fresh water (they probably got it from the sea to save money). Vika, Igor, and I all had a lot of fun riding three person rafts. When I sat in the back (being far heavier than either Vika or Igor), we went really fast, and when we came out of the slide we would go to the far end of the pool. When I rode the green slide with Matthew we actually touched the top of the other end of the half-pipe before going down, it was a lot of fun. The body slides were fun too, although you had to use a mat to go down them. One was like a funnel, and you would slide into it and go around in circles before dropping down the middle into a pool (no tube, just a mat, it was amazing). Needless to say we all had a great time, and it was so great to get to do something for/spend time with Igor and Vika before we leave.

I think I forgot to talk about Saturday, which was relatively quiet. We were supposed to go to the water park with the team and Igor and Vika, but it rained so Matthew and I went downtown instead. We've had fun hanging out with Bill and Oksana as well, and I'm going to really miss them too. We keep joking that Matthew and I are going to miss cirok (a frozen cottage cheese dessert that is covered in chocolate and has fruit flavors, it's better than it sounds) more than them. That's obviously not true (although I will miss cirok, it's really good), and all the people I'm going to miss almost makes me want to be a missionary here, although I don't think that's the right reason to go somewhere. I've been listening to some sermons from Southland lately about Jonah, and I think I have been running from the Lord. I just don't want to let him rule my life, and that's why I've been so miserable. I've come to a place now where I am simply trusting and praying. I am reading my Bible more, because how can I hear God if I don't know his voice? It's a slow turn-around, but I think that God is helping me pull it off.

This summer has been truly amazing. I have learned so much not only about the Ukrainians (whom I now respect and love as God's children), but about myself. I got to see me for who I really am, and I didn't like the picture without God in it. I still struggle, but I'm not letting that keep me down anymore, it's just not worth it. I'm learning to trust God, and even to love him again. I don't really think I believed he could do all he said, and I am having to thaw out my heart and heal some hurts I don't even think I knew were there. I have to forgive myself, and even more love myself for who I am. That is something I have always struggled with. I have to let God change me, and not hold back. I'm learning to love to listen to good preaching (I can hear my Dad laughing already, he's been telling me to do that for years), and to love the Word. It's been a hard transition, and relatively recent, but if I hadn't come here I don't think it would have happened.

I love the Irish team, and I love Bill and Betsy and Ernie and Anna. Betsy has been like a mother to me here, and I am so grateful for her. I'm learning to love people, and they have helped me to do that. I've been able to see what being a missionary is truly like. It's not what I thought, there are a lot of hardships. Probably the foremost amongst them is working with other missionaries. You all have the same passion for a people group, but vastly different ideas of how to reach them and how to even do the things you agree to do. It's lonely sometimes, especially if you're single, being in another culture. You have to deal with locals being suspicious of you (why would an American come here? It must not be for a good thing), or wanting things from you because you are a "rich" American. I accidentally gave out my address to a boy at camp, and now I'm hoping he won't just show up at my doorstep next year expecting lodging for two weeks (don't worry Mom and Dad, I don't think he will he's a good kid. It's just an example). There are so many other things, and I realize I do like it. I want to be a missionary in some respect, even if it's not forever. I love falling in love with a new people group, and learning to communicate with them (Dima, the cook from camp, said I was born to be a translator). But above all I want to serve God my Father by helping his children. I can see no greater calling in life, and I think we're all called to it (even if it's not in missions). Well, I'll end this post here. I'm going to miss Ukraine, but I am rejoicing that I get to see all of you so soon. I love you all, thanks for your prayers and support.

David

The time has gone so fast...

Well, I now have exactly one week left before I actually leave the country of Ukraine, possibly forever. It's a little sad to me that my time is winding down so quickly, and I know that I am going to miss living here. I've come to love and respect the Ukrainian people a lot. I love the way they don't like to sit on the ground because they think it's too dirty, the big yellow barrels of kvas that look like beer but aren't, that they think a draft will give them a cold, that the grandmothers rule the country with an iron fist, and a lot of other things. The kids here are so open and candid, they will tell you almost anything about their lives because they want to get to know you, much more open than American kids. They like to hear about Jesus, and they find Americans in particular to be very cool/hilarious. Their parents/grandmothers may be suspicious of strangers (with good reason because of the communist regime), but they warm up to you and appreciate what you do for their children/grandchildren.

Well, this week has been extremely wonderful. I've been working with the Irish team a lot, but also working in the student center as well. It's been interesting to go to the Irish team's devotionals in the evenings (when I'm not working at the student center). I realized just how much I really miss singing, and it's helped me to come about in my faith a little bit. I realize just how much I love God and want to serve him, and all this doubt doesn't mean anything. I'd be very arrogant to say that God doesn't exist, and I don't believe that anyway. I'm leaning on him for some proper change in my life. The team is going through the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, which I haven't read in years. It's great to hear them talk about their faith, and the first night we all shared why we were here. This also made me realize how selfish I am in my faith. My explanation was mainly about me, whereas others were about service and much more selfless. It made me realize I need to serve God because he is worthy of it, and not because of what I can get out of it, and just look for opportunity and don't turn it down when it stares me in the face.

Wednesday was great. I have been helping the team with their children's club in the afternoons (2-3:30), and this day I was able to speak a lot of Russian. We have a translator (Catya) who is very good while only about 14, she studies in Don's English class (he helps around here but isn't a missionary, at least not through WGM). I was almost translating for an Irish team member named Ivan to a boy named Zhenia. He's a teenager, and causes a little trouble with the team because he's a boy and boys do that when they are teenagers. We talked about football (i.e. soccer), our favorite teams, and some other things. It was really great to get to use the Russian I had learned and just to be helpful, which I haven't felt I have been to the team yet. We then went to a store during the time to get popsicles for all of the kids (which the Irish call ice lollies, which I love), and I had to order 30 of them and find out the price from the owner of the local shop. I had a little trouble, but got the order in and we got out relatively quickly. The two girls I was with were suprised at how quickly we got out, and I realized that I really love to translate and use language as much as possible. Maybe I'll want to do that with my life (I could always work with Wycliffe).

Thursday I went to the orphanage with the team (Matthew and I are switching on and off again so more of them can go). It was different than any time I've gone before, not only because of the team, but because they had a plan as to how it should go. They did the same thing they were going to do in the kid's club that afternoon, and the kids loved playing with them and hearing the story of Adam and Eve, acted out by the Irish. Garreth, the pastor of the team's church, was very funny as the snake, and acted like he would strike the kids which they loved. I am really going to miss these kids, I've grown to really love them. When Matthew or I come over now, several run up to us and hug us or give us handshakes (for the older boys). I've got one more time to go there on Tuesday, and it's going to be sad for me (although I think we're all going to visit on Friday before we leave Berdyansk).

Friday we worked around the center (although I didn't really, having gone to the store and then done nothing; I felt really bad and lazy about this). During the kid's club I had to read the story. I'll admit I was nervous, especially because my story was about the Passover meal where Jesus washed his disciple's feet. I wasn't sure how well it would translate, but it went over well according to the team. I got on my knees and washed one of the team member's feet and talked about how Jesus was being a servant by doing this, and how much more so we should. I liked giving the lesson, although I'm not sure I'd like doing it all the time. I think it went well, but it could have gone better.

And then we come to Dennis. I am growing to really like this boy and his mom. Earlier in the week I had a really great discussion with him about reading the Bible and our favorite stories (his was Daniel in the lion's den I think, sorry). I also talked to him more about his grandmother, who is still sick. I told him I would keep praying, and I think he appreciated it. Matthew, Vika, and I played life with him and his mom on another day, which was a lot of fun. Matthew ended up having five kids, and me three. Dennis's mom (Oksana) has been a lot of help at the kid's club, translating what Catya can't remember (they're in the same English class). Some of the team members prayed for her one day, and she was in tears, she is a very loving and caring woman. I'm praying for them, and hope you do too. The rest of the week went well in the student center too, and by Friday we had over 15 kids in there from the kid's club and other places (Matthew, Vika, and I had put up a lot of fliers a couple of days ago, like over 50). I really think this ministry will do good things for these kids, and it is so much fun to just get to sit down and play and talk with them.

Friday night we went to the promenade with the team. I hadn't been there at night since the first team was here, and it was interesting to see how much I've learned about Ukraine. I knew the histories of all of the statues we saw, I knew how to order a drink and chips in Russian, I knew culturally what and what not to do, and I got to pass that on to the team. I've learned a lot here in Ukraine, and I'm really going to miss it. I've learned I love youth ministry again, love to work cross-culturally, and love to translate. I'm still not sure of where to go, although I'm still leaning towards Hungary (although Ukraine has made a plea in my heart), but I know I want to work with kids and teens and be able to do translating in some fashion. Maybe working here with Bill is what I should do, I don't know. I feel fairly strongly that I need to visit Africa (Kenya in particular) and Asia (Japan in particular) before making any decisions for sure, but who knows if I'll be able to. I am going to search out the Lord on this, and would ask you to pray for me as I am seeking. Just pray that I would listen and obey once I hear. I may not like teaching exactly, but I can do it. I just know that missions is to be a big part of my life, and I hope I'm not too scared to act on it. I'd hate to miss the biggest part of me because I'm too afraid to admit it. Thanks for reading, and I love you all.

David

The Irish are coming...

So today is Monday of my second to last week in Ukraine. It's crazy to think that next Friday I will be getting on the train to go back to Kiev for possibly the last time. I've come to really love Ukraine, although I will admit that it took me a while to get to that point. Ukraine is just a different country than any other that I have been to so far. Russian is a different language, the people are different (but wonderful), and the sights and smells are very unique to Ukraine. But all in all I have loved it so far.

Well, since our trip to Kiev we've been mainly working in the youth center every day. The youth center is open from 3:00-8:30 pm on Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. As I believe I wrote in an earlier blog, we have a lot of games to play, and two ping-pong tables. Each night brings a different number of kids, but we haven't had more than three come on any one day except for Saturday. However, this was because the kids that were at camp and live in Primorsk came to Berdyansk that day to go to the beach and decided to visit the youth center. They played for a little while, and it was a lot of fun to catch up with them since I hadn't seen them in over two weeks. Kristina came again with them, but she decided to stay at the youth center for the day instead of go to the beach. The youth center can be a little boring when there aren't many kids in there, as it's just Matthew, Bill, Vika, and myself sitting around trying to find something to do. Bill's nephew Dima usually comes to visit. We've had a few memorable games with him, including Monopoly and Risk. Dima is 12, so it's fun to see how he thinks as he tries to make decisions in games like that, he's usually very even-handed in how he does everything. However, he has a dark side and if you do something he doesn't like in the game he will get revenge even if it hurts him, it's pretty funny to watch honestly (he's not like that in real life). Dennis comes every day still, and talks to us as we play ping-pong for hours at a time. His English is really very good for a Ukrainian teenager (the best I've heard besides Dima), and he likes to talk to Matthew and I about girls and life. He mentioned to me on Saturday that his grandmother almost died, so if you think about it please pray for her.

The Irish task force came yesterday after the church service here (which was nicer than usual because I listened to a sermon from Southland, and it gave me a little piece of home for the day). They had gone to a service in Tokmok, which is another church that Ernie has a relationship with, and it was his last time preaching there. Ernie and Anna are leaving Ukraine after serving here for over 10 years for retirement. They're actually leaving around four days after I leave, which is very soon, and they are very busy packing and saying goodbye to this country that they love (keep them in your prayers as well). The Irish team is made up of 15 people (much bigger than the American team at the beginning of the summer), made mostly of married couples, although there are four women who are either single or here without their husbands. They're going to do a VBS type of thing as well as do orphanage ministry and possibly work at the youth center a couple of nights a week. I like them so far, and their accents are great to listen to, although I have trouble understanding them occasionally. Four of them are staying in our apartment with the Tarr's, which means Matthew and I have to share our bathroom with four more people now. I'm excited to see what the Irish team will do, as I've heard good things about the Irish teams that have come before. They usually take control of everything they do here, making a program at the orphanage where we usually don't have any. It will be interesting to see how Bill takes that (he's in charge of the orphanage ministry), but he seems to be ok with it. Well, please keep me in your prayers for the things I've mentioned before. I'm also feeling a little homesick, and am excited to come home, so please pray for that as well. I love you all.

David

I feel lazy...

I've been slacking a bit on this blog, sorry. But I know that my blogs are usually long enough that it probably takes you about a week to read them anyway, haha. Well, I left off telling you all about the opening of the youth center on Saturday, which went very well. It's open every Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday from 3-8:30 pm. That's a long time to be in the center for me, but it's fun to get to play with the teens. We had about four or five actual teenagers come the first day, most of whom were already well acquainted with the church (two of them having been to camp as well, Kristina and Dima). I played Dutch Blitz with Vika and a friend of hers for almost two hours, and we played several other card games as well. We had one new boy, named Dennis, who came. Matthew and I played ping pong (we have two tables and a lot of board games and cards) for quite a while. He spoke pretty good English, and his mom wanted us to help him practice so I just talked to him as I played. He had just moved the month before from Kiev to Berdyansk, which is quite a move. The two cities are almost nothing alike, and he said that he missed Kiev (as well as his girlfriend). It was great to get to meet him and for him to have a place to get to just hang out and not be bored.

Sunday we did church as usual, and had lunch with everyone in the Tarr's apartment because the Zirkle's were still here. Sunday was a pretty relaxed day, and we didn't do very much else besides that. Monday found all of the missionaries in a field meeting for most of the day, so Matthew and I were sent to Mike who is in charge of the construction here. He had us move around some stuff, and I again weed-whacked for most of the day. I even did some a little outside of the center grounds for the neighboring apartment complex. I think they appreciated it, as they asked us to do it, but several of the Babushka's complained about it.

Tuesday we went to the orphanage again, but again they went to the sea only a half-hour after we got there. Only six were left behind, but we played with them anyway. Two of the girls, Masha and Ruzhia, got to go home which was wonderful, I was so happy for them. Sasha came with us today instead of Bill and Vika, along with Dima from camp. Sasha is so great with the kids, he just brought a picture Bible and told stories to them the whole time, they loved it. After we got back from the orphanage we had to pack because Matthew and I were heading to Kiev with Bill and Oksana (and Dima, Oksana's nephew) to take the Zirkle's back to the airport. Kevin Zirkle, the husband, is the director of the European, Asian, and Oceania fields and was having a field meeting the whole week previously. They were heading to Hungary for a week, and then home before heading back to their home field of Japan. They were really interesting to talk to, and I enjoyed getting to know them (the wife's name is Becky).

We rode the train up to Kiev, which was much more comfortable this time because there was not a 24 hour period of air travel before it this time. During the day we went to three different cathedrals, a monestary, and three museums. The monastery was very interesting, because it was one of the oldest in Ukraine, and possibly in Europe. There were catacombs there, but we didn't have time to see them, but they have several bodies that are still preserved even though they should not be (they said it was the Holy Spirit as a reward for their good lives). We went to the Chornobyl museum, which was interesting to see how that had repercussions in Ukraine (where it happened). I hadn't realized it only happened in 1986, I had thought it was a bit before then. We also went to two war museums, one for the Russian-Afghanistani freedom war from the 70's-80's, and the other for WWII. The WWII museum was intense, and ended in a room that had a huge 50 ft. long table running the span of it with cups set for all those who did not come home. It was very moving, and I found it especially hard to go through the concentration camp room, as I have been to a concentration camp before (they even had a pair of gloves made from human skin, and soap from human fat, which I found horrifying). The top room was all in white and had all the names of those who had passed away in the war. Right outside of the museum was a monument to the war, called the Iron Lady. She is taller than the Statue of Liberty (because of the base), and is a formidable-looking woman holding a sword uplifted in her right hand and a shield in her left. It was very moving, and we could see all of Kiev from the hill she sits on.

We also did a bit of shopping, and I got all of my souvenier things done for everyone that I was buying something for, which is great. Then we headed back home on the train, and just arrived back a couple of hours ago. It takes a while because after the train ride we have a three-hour car drive from the train station in Zapparizhzhia to Berdyansk. We're opening the student center again today (we weren't here to do it on Tuesday, but Igor did), and will do so the rest of the week. The Irish team comes on Sunday, and they'll be here until we leave.

It's so surreal to think that most of my summer is over. It's all gone by so fast. But I'm still keeping my spirit up, even though I'm a bit tired by now. I'm praying that God will bring about a change in me, even with only three weeks left. I've gone on mission trips like this before (although not for as long), and I've come back unchanged. I've hardened my heart and not allowed the Lord to work in me. I don't want that this time. I may not have perfect faith, but I have enough to know that I cannot deny that which can't be proven, it would be very arrogant of me. I believe in God because it is innate in me. It makes no sense, and I've tried to make it logical, but it isn't. I just know it is true. So I'm resting on that, and trying to bring about change in me through that. Please pray for that for me, and for the remaining three weeks I have left here in Ukraine. It will be hard to leave here and all the people I've grown to love, but I'm glad for the experience. Excited to see you all soon, and love you all.

David

Catching up...

Well, I suppose I should catch up this blog since it's two weeks out of date. Sorry I haven't been keeping up, but I've been both busy and unwilling to blog. I'm just not much of a journaler. Anyways, the end of the first week of camp was great. We had an awesome time bonding with the students and, got close to several. One, named Max, we decided was not Ukrainian, but French because of all of his quirky mannerisms and the way he said his English word. Instead of saying "ruined" he said "urined", much merriment ensued that one.

The second week of camp was considerably harder. We had a couple of days off after the first week where we rested at the Tarr's, which is where we are staying now. The second week of camp was for kids ages 7-14 round about. We had over 30 kids (major change from the 9 from first week), and the helper number increased by about threefold. That meant a lot more names to memorize (most of the teens came back again because they liked us so much, or were helping as a helper somehow), and a lot more people speaking Russian. I think the main reason the second week was so hard was because I was just starting to get some major culture shock/home sickness. We had a translator, Igor, but he was Ukrainian as well. So with Matthew being the only other American besides me, I got to be a little lonely. I was tired of hearing Russian everyday, and particularly halfway through the week when I sat through an hour long meeting where no one translated anything for me. I was getting frustrated, and sort of angry at the Ukrainians. I didn't blame them, I knew that I was just feeling culture shock (that language barrier can really knock your socks off), but it was still hard. The days seemed to go by rather slowly, and I was ready to leave camp around the second day. I'm not entirely sure what all was bothering me that week, but it just didn't seem able to end fast enough for me. I was tired of not knowing what to do (we never knew what kids we would have for sports, which was three times a day now in extremely hot weather-90 degrees plus), and the language thing just started to get to me. But I prayed for patience and help throughout the week, which helped.

I know that last paragraph sounded rather negative, but it's how I felt. Towards the end of the week, though, I just let go. I was tired, mentally exhausted, and full (they fed us extremely well, and gave us huge portions). The camp was basically the same as the week before, just aimed at little kids instead of teens (love still being the theme, I think, but told through skits and stuff instead of head on lessons, which they did have). The last couple of days of camp, though, I fell in love with it again. The kids had finally warmed up to us (it took them a while), and wanted to play with us constantly. I felt the adults had some degree of respect for us, and they constantly looked out for our health and happiness. The Ukrainians are very considerate, and will do anything to help you if you need it. I think I finally let God use me, and it felt good. I may not have realized I was letting him, but I was resting better, and feeling better. I even learned a little more Russian.

But the one thing I struggled with the most that week was the one thing I had figured out the week before. I was so concerned that the kids didn't like me, or that the kids liked Matthew better (which I'm still not sure on). It was making me really sad, and I think it had an affect on how I viewed the camp and allowed culture shock to set in. But the last day of camp when we said goodbye to the kids and the workers, I just felt an overwhelming amount of love from them. It made it all feel so much more worth it, and I felt extremely loved and prayed over. Anya and Kristina (two of the helpers) were practically in tears (Anya was), and it was very hard to leave. Now that I think about it, it was totally God leading me, and showing his love for me through the kids and helpers.

This week has been a lot less stressful. We rested until Tuesday (going to the Peninsula, which is past the promenade and has more and better beaches). This week I have done a combination of things. We are gearing up for the opening of the youth center tomorrow (the 4th of July, not as important here, haha). I have weed whacked the center's yard (or at least most of it), sorted the center's games (spent an hour going through Dutch Blitz cards), organized the English library for the college (took 4 hours), and went with Bill Brower to buy games. The center looks good, especially with Matthew's new finished mural of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the fire. It looks amazing, and he's a very talented artist, although he wouldn't say that. So we're pretty much waiting for tomorrow at 3 pm to open for the kids to come. I know it will be great, and it's something for them to do to keep them off of the streets getting drunk.

I love the Ukrainian kids. They are very loving, and as long as you try they appreciate it. The orphanage ministry is so much fun, because we get to love on those kids, and play games with them. Urkainian kids want the same stuff American kids want: safety, love, and acceptance. They may have slightly different customs and things, but all-in-all we're a lot more similar than different. Like teaching baseball at camp, it wasn't too difficult except for the translating of terms. I just pray I learn more from God this summer. I feel like I've been holding out a bit from him, and haven't done all I could have. But I have done a lot. I've just realized that I do have flaws, many of them. Usually I would sit and moan about them, but I've realized that what I need to do is work on those instead of complaining about them (which is one of the main ones I need to work on). Just now I realized that I need to let God do that for me. But that's hard for me. It's hard for me to trust what I can't see, can't feel. I can't trust my emotions, even the Bible says that. But I have this trust that just lingers in the corner of my heart. It may go unattended for a while, but it nags at me and keeps my attention as much as possible. I'm going to have to rely on that small modicum of faith for as long as is necessary. Please pray for me, and pray that God would just ransack my heart. I need a change in a big way, and I can't rely on myself to get me through it, but I know God can. Thank you so much for all your love and support, I appreciate it so much. You can't even know how much it means to me. I love you all, and can't wait to see you again.

David

Camp...week 1

So...my life is tough. I get to go camping for two weeks and "rough" it. Why am I such a wimp? I don't know, but camping is definitely not my lifestyle. Although the country around here is beautiful. I praise God for it, because it is so different from Kentucky. It's mainly flat with little grassy knolls dimpling the countryside. We're right next to a river (which one I'm not sure). The wildflowers are amazing, so many bright colors. So vibrant and screaming with life. Red, blue, violet, yellow; there's even a cactus-like plant.

This life is so simple it almost makes me want to live here...almost. Live in a tent (which I could get used to), eat what you make, swim, work, and praise God. The Urkrainians here are so vocal and alive. They yell their praises to God, and dance so vibrantly. I want to join in, but I don't know the steps, and I'm afraind of looking foolish. Yup, sounds like me. I want to have faith like these people. They just praise God with their lives, it's who they are. I feel we're missing that in the States; Sergei says it's because we don't have hardships, I don't know.

The first day we just arrived here, at lunch and dinner (and we went swimming). Matthew and I just tossed the frisbee with the kids. It was fun even if they don't know how to throw. There are only 4 kids (all boys) for teen camp that aren't connected to being a helper somehow. Kides camp should have more. It's nice, though, because we get to know them better (Maxima, Ilian, Dima, and Vitalik). There are more workers than kids, but it's fun. The cook here, Dima, says I'll speak Russian by the time I leave, and he'll speak English. I'm not too sure about that, but being the odd man out linguistically does make you communicate better and learn faster. I've already learned quite a bit, although not enough to get by.

Tuesday we did a lot of the same. We woke up ast 6 am (the workers) and have quiet time, 7 the kids wake up, 8 is kalesthenics (uuugh), 0 is breakfast, 10 is swimming, 11 a work job, 12 a lesson, 1 is free I think, 2 lunch, 3 swim, 4-6 games (which we lead), 6 dinner, later we have worship time. On Tuesday we had a bonfire where we sang. Matthew and I got to sing in English, which was great (there are so few chances here). I am so thankful that Igor and Vika are here. They translate for us and withough them it would be a nightmare, even if I'm learning (but mostly signing). It was great to get to see how the Ukrainians worship, which like I said is a lot more vibrant than in the US.

This week I"ve been in another mood. At 7 am todeay I went to worker worship and since I couldn't sing I thought. I am so worried about what others think of me, to the point where I'll actually change myself. I've been living in hate: of others, but mostly of myself. I'll think horrible thoughts that I don't want or would never think of just to show how hateful I am. But today I had a burst of light in a dark time where I struggle to even believe in God. I was looking at the sky when I thought "Who cares if they like me?" Now I know this is an American phrase of defiance, but I meant it. I saw the sky and kenw there was a God who created it, and he must love me to have made it so perfectly. He is LOVE. EVen if I lived to seek only pleasure, I wouldn't be fulfilled, but I am in his love. And it is enough tto be loved by the creator of all and not others. I've been annoying to be liked, but I want to love and if they like me it's a plus.l I've sought heaven in fear of hell, but not because I want to love Love. Heaven and hell are irrelevant, love is the relevance. Without it life is meaningless, and there is no heaven or hell. God is relationship within himself, I learned from "The Shack", and he wants me to join in relationship with him. This is mindblowing to me, and has greatly helped my walk that he is Love, and loves me. I guess that's enough, and I'm holding to it.

Meandering...

Meandering
Along a dark tunnel,
Night entombs me with her heavy cloak,
Filled with scorn for the man I've become,
hate for flaws, fear of being fogotten.
Unforgiving stench that rifles my nose,
stifles the mind.

Meandering,
I see a light ahead in the darkness,
I hear a host crying "You are Love",
He is the worthy one, standing in the gleam.
He takes each by the hand and removes their cloak.
But like Sisiphys, I've already condemned myself to a personal hell.
Falling down the hill of love to a valley of self-loathing.
I roll up again, but slip;
He reaches for my hand, but in my hate I withdraw and fall.

Meandering,
The light seems distant,
But the gleam is there.
I fill up my cup with mud,
but it cakes and cracks, not firm.
Water seeps down and affirms me.
I may be meandering, but I'm not lost.

A week gone quickly...

Wow, I hadn't realized that it has been almost a week since I last posted, that's not too good. Well, not too much different happened for most of the week, but I'll try to catch you up. On Monday we worked on the fence in the morning and in the evening did VBS again. I always enjoy the VBS so much because the kids here are so friendly, and so eager to learn some English. Each lesson has some English words thrown in for them to learn, so they like to practice with us occasionally. Especially Julia, who speaks a little English, and likes to use it whenever possible. We've been averaging around 20 kids a night, which is great. I often feel that VBS is a little hokey when we put it on, because it seems like that's all people do when they go on mission trips. However, every time I do it, I see the merit of it and love it more. I haven't been able to do any Bible study leading or ESL, but I'm helping with leading songs, which sort of counts for both.

On Tuesday some people went to the orphanage again, and the rest of us stayed and worked on the fence. I must say the painting the fence is fairly monotonous, and there is a lot of it to paint. I'm having trouble seeing it's worth, but I have to keep reminding myself that everything I do for the glory of God is worthwhile. I got to help with the grocery shopping, which was fun. Stores around here are a little different than in the States. You aren't allowed to bring in a bag, for fear of shoplifting. However, you have to pay for your own grocery bags (reduces overuse of them), so you can bring your own plastic bags to carry groceries home with. Grocery shopping is always one of my favorite first cultural experiences, and it was just as much fun then. They have ice cream everywhere here, and it is good. I like to try a new one whenever possible. VBS was great in the evening again, and it seems every evening we had at least two new kids.

Wednesday, instead of working on the fence, the team decided to go downtown for a couple of hours (with Matthew and I tagging along). But first we went to the children's hospital. Oksana Brower's other nephew (Dima, brother of Roma who had spilled boiling water on himself) had an allergic reaction to shellfish and was in the hospital for a day. It was interesting to see a Ukrainian hospital, although I didn't go in because they could only let three of us up to see Dima. Then we went downtown and walked around in a mall for a bit. Malls in Ukraine are more open than in the US. The stores don't really have doors, so you just walk in and look around for what you want. The clothing is really nice, as in most of Europe, and it is extremely Ukrainian to look your best at all times. I'm trying to find some clothes, but I haven't found any I like yet. That evening we had our last VBS as the team would be leaving the next day before they could do another one. This evening we had another water balloon fight (so much fun!), a game where the kids poured water into a cup on my and some other team members' heads, and we split into groups and the kids used what English they had learned on native English speakers (us). It really helps in language development to be able to talk with a native speaker of that language (thank you ESL class).

Thursday was a bit of a sad day because the team had to leave. In the morning some worked on the work project, but I went with Melissa and Elisa to the orphanage (which is every Tuesday and Thursday). This time we got to play outside. Daniel was all over me again, and we had fun chasing each other, and his sister Julia. I put them both on my knee and bounced them around like a horse (like you used to do to us, Dad), and they loved it. Then the older boys came out. My heart really breaks for them, because if they go into the second stage orphanage (this was first stage where they are dropped off and can't be adopted, they look for a relative), they are not likely to get adopted because they are "too old". No one wants to adopt a teenager, even though they need love too (more than some kids, in fact). Around 60% of these boys end up in the Black Market when they leave the system, which shows how little loved they are. So I played soccer with them when Daniel and Julia were finally distracted by coloring. I think they enjoyed it, I did, even though I was terrible. One little boy (Roma) kept making me switch positions from goalie to offense because I was so bad. But they enjoyed it, especially scoring on an American (which they take immense pleasure in). I just loved being able to love on them, and show them someone cares, even if he can't play soccer. Then, at 3 pm we said our goodbyes to the team, who were heading on the train to Kiev for souveniers and then their plane. It was sad to see them go, but I am excited that the ministries I am involved in aren't limited by what the team is doing (although it never really was, I suppose). I'm just excited to see what will happen now. We just relaxed the rest of the evening, and watched Finding Nemo.

Friday went by quickly. Bill Brower came the night before and informed me I was to work construction with the Ukrainians the next day. I'll admit I wasn't too happy (I'm not much a one for construction, as most of you know), but I was excited to show that I wanted to work with the Ukranians, and to see how they work. I think it's important to not act superior because I'm American (there's no reason to), and to do the same work as the local people. It also helped me work on my whole "this is for God, not for me" thing. Have to admit, I haven't got it down yet (I don't expect I will any time soon, or in years to come even). So the next day came, and I got up to head down to work (they work in the building I stay in, which is now with the Tarrs because they needed our apartment for a couple who are adopting a Ukranian boy). I met up with Sasha, a local who speaks fairly good English, and was to work with him. However, it was raining extremely hard, so the only construction I did was move a couple of doorframes out of the rain. However, Bill Tarr asked Sasha and I to scrape paint off of the stairwell that leads to their apartment, which we happily obliged. We used soapwater and sandpaper to get it off, and it took a couple of hours. It was nice to get to talk to a Ukranian one on one. Sasha is trying to get his master's degree (in what I'm not sure), and wants to be a pastor, but has no building for his church. He's only 26 (just a few years older than me), and is married to Oksana (it's a common name here). His dream is just to build a house for his family, which made me realize how greedy we are in the States, and how much we take for granted. We talked about places we'd been (I've been to far more places than he, obviously). One thing stuck with me, though. He was asking me if I'd been to the Grand Canyon. I said no, as I haven't. He then said "I don't understand Americans. They have the opportunity and the money to do things, but they never take them." It hit me rather hard that as Americans, we are so worried about keeping what we've earned, that we never really enjoy life. We have opportunity to do things, not just travel, but help the world, and we're too afraid of failure or loosing money or a day's work to do them. I'll have to think on that some more. I later weedwhacked the yard (they do it instead of mowing) for a couple of hours and got a bit done. The yard I was cutting was about to my thigh, so it took a while. We just rested the rest of the day (Matthew had been busy painting a mural of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego for the youth center, which looks great so far).

Today was our day off. Matthew and I got up at around 9 and headed for downtown. We just read at the beach for a little while (more like by the beach, as where we were was just a rocky outcrop), and walked around looking for clothes and seeing the city. It really is a lovely town, and the sea is beautiful (I've got pictures up on Facebook). We're resting up right now for the two weeks of camp next week. I'm a little nervous about being the only English speakers, but I'm trying to learn to rely on God, even if I'm in a phase of doubt. Thanks so much for all of your prayers, I believe they are helping me in so many ways, including my faith. Keep praying, especially for the two camps over the next two weeks. I won't likely blog during them, as there will be no electricity, but I'll keep a journal there and hopefully put it up later. Thanks for keeping up with me, and I love you all.

David

A weekend in Ukraine...

Well, it's been a couple of days. I must admit I didn't really want to blog, nor did I have much time to. It seems every time I sit down to do something, I am needed for some other job or ministry. But we are done with our fence-painting for the day, and I'm not needed until a meeting at 2.

Friday was a fairly average day. We continued painting the fence, and had VBS later that night. However, during the fence-painting, an elderly Ukrainian man, who spoke no English, came up and started talking to me. He started pointing at my brush, and eventually took it from me and started walking down the fence. It turns out he was pointing out where I had missed a couple of spots, so I smiled and painted what he pointed out. He then invited me to a smoke break with him (which I of course said I couldn't, Mom), and started talking about Jesus, I think. It's really hard to tell with Russian, but I'm almost positive he said Jesus, and he did the cross on his chest. Needless to say, it was a funny moment, and we all had a good laugh about it later. But that is typical of the Ukrainian people. While they do not like to draw attention to themselves, at all, they are always more than willing to help and point out things. They are fairly straightforward, although in a way that is not mean or harsh, and they genuinely want to get to know you. This is a bit different than I had expected, because I was expectly a fairly cold culture, which means that they are time oriented, stand-offish, and a less relationship-oriented. But Ukrainians are extremely relationship oriented, going so far as to go out of their way to not offend people or draw attention to themselves. I may be wrong, but that seems to be my impression to me.

Later on we went back down to the promenade by the sea and took some pictures at night. The lighting was amazing because there was a bright moon out that was reflecting off of the water, and there was a carnival getting started, so all of those lights were out. I'll have to put up some pictures if I can later. It was lovely just to walk along the promenade and take pictures, enjoying the breeze from the sea and just relaxing a little. We ran into Sasha, Oksana, Catya, and Louja (who all work either construction for the guys or in the office for the girls) which was nice, they thought we were lost (we assured them we weren't). We got some great cherry-vanilla ice cream (Ukrainians seem to love ice cream), and then headed home for the night.

Saturday was an off day. In the morning we went to the local bazaar, which included food, clothing, and hardware. There were even people selling puppies and kittens along the streets. It was a jumbled mess, but it was fun to walk through. The guys and girls split up, although we all went mainly looking through the clothing bazaar.We ran into Larissa and her mother (Larissa makes food for us in the evenings), which shows how small the town can be. Matthew and I are determined to get some more European looking clothes, if only one outfit. But we didn't find anything, so Bill Brower (who was leading) took us guys to the hardware bazaar and then to an overlook of the city. It was so peaceful up there, and after some funny pictures that looked like Matthew was holding Ken and me in his hands, we just sat on the edge of a wall that overlooked the city and the sea for about a half an hour. It was quiet and a great place to think.

Later that day we went to Ernie and Anna's house which is about a half an hour from the center. Their house is about a kilometer from the sea (about a half a mile), so we went down there for several hours. I didn't feel like getting in the water, so except for a little walk along the edge I stayed in the sand and read most of James and the Giant Peach. It was fun and relaxing just listening to the waves crashing and feeling the sun on my back. I began to wax philosophical and thought about how God made each grain of sand, and put design in each one, and how many there were, and how big the sea was, and then the universe. It made me appreciate a little how big God is, especially with my recent struggles with doubts. Those are getting a little better, but I'm still struggling a little bit. I've been seeking the Lord here, which is something I had kind of stopped doing for a while, so I've been growing a little closer. It kills me that I'm trying to be a missionary here, and I'm struggling like this, but I think that's life. Everyone struggles with their faith, even missionaries, and I can't let it keep me down. I just have to seek out God's will for me in my life, and try to be in a relationship with him. Hopefully all of this will become a little more clear as the summer progresses.

On Sunday we had church, of course. It was Pentecost sunday too, so we had communion for the service (which was pretty much the same as in the States). However, the first service we went to lasted for around 2-3 hours. I was kind of getting antsy, not to mention the fact that I was trying to deal with my faith while hearing someone speak in Russian for an hour and a half. I think the more stressed out I get the more I feel that my faith is in crisis, or I struggle with doubts, which makes sense. It was just a little long for me though, but in the end I was blessed for it. I was wondering about whether I should take communion or not with my faith the way it's been, but in the end I decided to to be a part of the church and admit my sins to God. It may have been a mistake, but I'm glad I did it. It was nice to be a part of the Ukrainian church when there is so little else I can do with them. I can't sing in Russian, and I can't understand the sermon, so this was a wonderful way for me to do something with them to show my faith. I just realized this now, so it's a little funny to me. Although the sermon was given by Ernie so I could technically understand it. He talked about the Pentecost and how the tongues of fire represent the presence of God and his purifying fire. We also went to a second service in Primorsk, which is about a half an hour away from Berdyansk. I liked this service a little better, the people seemed more into the message, and it was a little shorter (about 1 and 1/2 hours). Oh, I forgot to mention that we had two people give testimonies at each service (not me), and then we all got up and sang the new version of Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone). Ken sang a verse (two actually), then I sang one, and then Matthew. It was cool to get to minister in song to the Ukrainians like they have to me through their services.

The Ukrainian church is wonderfully alive. The people are so loving, and they just want to follow the Lord. Sergei said something interesting as he drove us home to Berdyansk (before stopping for ice cream, which the missionaries love). He said that the Orthodox church do their services for the Lord, so even if no one was there they would do it. The Protestant church does it for the people. It made me appreciate the Orthodox culture a little more, that we are doing this for God, not just for ourselves. It's great if we benefit, but it is first and foremost for the Lord. Well, it's Monday now, and there was no inspector of my painting today. The team has only a couple more days left, so that's a little sad. Then Matthew and I will leave for camp, which is going to be a stretch for me, so please pray. And continue to pray for my doubts. I'm trying to deal with them, but I know it will help with more prayer. Also pray for the ministries here, and the team as they hed home on Thursday (especially Shushan, who wants to be a missionary here, so it is hard for her to leave; and John, who gets extremely airplane-sick). Thanks for the love and prayers.

David

What hurts the most....

Hey everyone. I realize I am posting twice in one day, but these blogs don't leave a lot of room for lengthiness. Today (Thursday) was a little bit different. Instead of working on the fence like usual the group split up into different ministries because it was raining. One group went shopping, one went to the hospital to check up on a boy who goes to the church who spilled boiling water on himself (he's doing much better), Matthew is going to paint a mural of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the youth center here, and I went with the group to the local orphanage.

This orphanage is called first-stage because it is where the kids are dropped off to be in the orphanage system. Parents who either can't take care of their children or don't want them anymore (which happens all too often) simply leave their kids here and walk away. The kids stay here for 30-90 days while the orphanage tries to find a family member to take the children. All too often the parents will pick them up for a couple of days and return them for another 90 days because they don't make enough money to care for them. Because the orphanage is run by the church, they know their kids will be fed and clothed where they couldn't. It's so sad, and it broke my heart to think of all these kids who have to live apart from their parents because of money. In Ukraine everything costs just about as much as in the States, but Ukrainians make about 1/10 the money. It's just not set up for families to have a lot of children, which is unfortunate because the government gives money to families who have children. This is also part of the problem, because the parents often take the money and use it to buy a car or house, and then can't pay for the child they just had. The best thing we can do here is just love these kids as much as possible.

And that's exactly what we did. As soon as we walked in and the kids came into the room we were in, they ran up to us and hugged us. One little boy, Daniel, ran into my arms and refused to be put down the entire 4 hours we were there. All we did was play games with them, and make these little angel ornaments. We got to talk to them (as much as is possible when they only speak Russian and us only English), and play with them. I was so overjoyed, because I played with Daniel for most of the time. He craved male attention, which is hard to come by in the orphanage system which is mostly run by women. In fact, all the little boys there came up to me and a guy from the team, Ken, to play with and rough-house. They wanted to wrestle, and play tag, and just play with older guys. I felt so honored to be able to be a positive male role model in their lives, if even for only a couple of hours. I don't know if we had any impact on them, but they definitely made a place into my heart.

At one point we were putting the kids up on a little tower of foam blocks, and it was starting to tip a little so I put the kids off. They took this as a new game where they were trying to beat me and climb past me onto the blocks. I had so much fun as an onslaught of little boys and girls came running at me and tried to get past me, and I just scooped them down and hugged and tickled them as the game went on. The kids were so loving, and it was surprising that they still able to love so much even though they had been abandoned. It makes me thankful for my parents, and for God allowing them to have the capacity to take care of me and my siblings. I can't imagine if they had dropped me off at an orphanage one day and never returned. So we loved these kids as much as possible, and then had to leave.

We had an hour left before lunch, so we headed to the local bazaar and looked at the stalls. It was interesting, as there were separate parts for stands that were always there, and rented stalls. The smells of dried fish (which is popular here) and vegetables filled the air. There were rows and rows of stalls filled with all kinds of fish, meat, cheese, breads, vegetables, fruits, and lots of other things. We even went into the meat market and saw some butchering going on.

Tonight is the second to last night of VBS for the week here. Next week we will hold it again with the team, but in a different area of town. I'm starting to really love Ukraine, but I still feel a little tug in my heart for Hungary. It makes me feel a little guilty that I come here, and all I can think about is Hungary, but I guess that is God telling me that that is where I belong. Maybe, I'll have to wait and see.

After the team and the camp, Matthew and I will be working with Bill Brower in the youth center. I am so excited, as this is why I chose to come to Ukraine. The center is an after-school program were the kids just come and hang out. We make relationships with them, and then try to talk to them about Christ. I don't really feel in any position to spread the word of Christ right now until I get my own faith a little more in order, but I can definitely love these kids. If this center wasn't here, they wouldn't have anything else to do but go downtown and get drunk. It really is a wonderful ministry, and I love working with youth as I found out last summer with SMT.

Then at the end of the summer and Irish team will come in and we'll work with them. It's nice to finally know at least a basic outline of what we will be doing, although I get the feeling that God might change our plans more than once. He's funny like that, but it always comes out for the better, and I'm excited to see what he has planned for me this summer. I'm really trying to work out my faith with him, and it's great to do that here were I can serve and heal at the same time. I love God so much, and just want to draw closer to him. Please pray for me in this, and in all the other aspects of our ministry here. I'm trying hard to get to know people and build relationships, but it's hard with the language barried. Pray that it won't be a barrier, but a wonderful collection of unique cultures, and that I would pick up some Russian quickly. I've already learned some, but not nearly enough to have a conversation. Thanks for all of your love and support, and I love you all.

David

Let's meet the locals...

So continuing my ongoing epic adventure in Ukraine, the past couple of days have been really great. Tuesday evening was a lot of fun. We had six kids come in, three boys and three girls, and the VBS went off more smoothly than I would have thought it could go. The basic outline of the night is that we play with the kids as they come in (they love to play frisbee), sing songs, have an
English lesson, a Bible lesson, play more games, and then it's time to say goodbye. There was one little boy, Igor, who really got into everything. He loves to learn English, and works with Vika, who is one of the translators who works with us even though she speaks no English. But she understands it....I don't really get it either. VBS is a much better ministry here than I had originally thought. I had fears that the lesson, which is themed on space, would not translate well into the Ukrainian mindset. Some things just don't translate accross cultural boundaries. But the kids seemed to like it a lot, especially learning the space words in English.

The past couple of days have been a little hard for me in these respects. I'm trying to work with the team, but I feel that everything I am doing is menial. We're painting a fence every morning for around four hours, and then I have nothing to do until VBS rolls around because the team has everything else planned out. I know that I'm supposed to do everything with a joyful spirit, and that every little bit counts, but it's a little discouraging to think that for two weeks my ministry will be in a sense restrained to the confines of someone else's plans that I had nothing to do with. But I guess that that's really every plan, if God is behind it. I'm learning that just because I am here to minister, doesn't mean that what I think I should be doing is what is needed most. Sometimes they need the fence painted more than for me to go around meeting teenagers, or to help clean up the kitchen. It's a good lesson, but it's hard for me to learn and let go.

Every evening we have devotions with the team and the missionaries. They're a nice time to get to hear people's testimonies and worship God. But the hardest part for me is when we have to talk about our God-sightings. We say where we saw God and in whom or what. It's hard for me because I've been so far from God recently that I'm having a hard time seeing him anywhere. Then I feel bad for that, and the fact that I don't think anyone will see God in me, so what is the point of me doing ministry here? But I'm hopeful that throughout this summer, God will change me and help make me able to see him more clearly. I've read the Shack while here, and it helped me to see that God just wants to be with me, he doesn't want to condemn me or make me feel bad, but wants me to want to be with him, and in that do his will. I'm trying.

After VBS and devotions I went to a local couple's apartment with Shushan (whose friends they are) and a girl from the team named Carly. It was a really great time of fellowship, and the couple (Catya and Louzha, that's not how you spell it but how it sounds) were so nice. They just gave us something to drink and asked us about our life goals with God, and what we plan to do as missionaries. Louzha and Catya work with a group from Virginian called Hearts for Orphans. They give girls who are graduating out of the orphanage system a place to stay and a means of learning some life skills. Most orphans don't get any economic or technical training at all, and they are released into the world at the age of 16, when they are a legal adult. So most just turn to a life of crime for the boys, and prostitution for the girls because they have absolutely no life skills. They don't even know how to cook. Needless to say, this couple has a huge heart for God and these girls, and were wonderful to talk to and play Skipbo (even if Catya was a little over competitive).

Wednesday we did basically the same thing as Tuesday, with the exception that at VBS we had 9 by the end instead of 6 kids. These kids are really starting to like us, and Igor brought mints for everyone. Playing games with them is a blast, and they have so much energy. Matthew and I found out that after the team leaves we will be going to an all Russian camp. We'll be sleeping in tents, and our job is to teach the kids there American sports, which they so desperately want to learn. I'm a little nervous to be around only Russian speakers, as the missionaries will not be there with the exception of Oksana, Bill's wife. Since we're going to be working with youth this summer, Bill Brower has taken over charge of Matthew and I instead of the head missionary Ernie Smith. I'm hoping to do a good job with the kids, and hope to show Christ's love to them. I'm not too sure how to best reach these kids yet, as I haven't quite figured out the culture yet. They seem so much like Americans, but then they'll throw me a curveball and do something so Ukrainian I feel stupid for forgetting. Well, that's it for this blog, thaks for your prayers.

David

Berdyansk, city by the sea...

It is now about the fifth day that I have been in Ukraine, and I am settling in. The apartments that we are staying in are pretty nice. We're staying in what is called "the center", which is the future church that the missionaries are building here for the Ukrainians. It will also have a computer lab, library, ESL classrooms, and around 4 apartments. The apartments, like I said, are very nice; they have comfortable beds, a living room, kitchen, and bathroom. All of the guys are in one apartment, and the girls are staying in the Tarrs apartment (they're missionaries who just moved here from another part of Ukraine). Once the team leaves Matthew and I will be moving in with the Tarrs, as our apartment is needed for someone else.

The first full day that we were in Berdyansk was Sunday, and it was a wonderful day. We went to church at 10 in the morning (which is great for a late-riser like me), and the service was interesting. It was all in Russian, and started out with around an hour of worship through singing. While we didn't understand the words, the music was fun to listen to (it seemed like they took music from other genres and added worship songs to them; they used an accordion sound several times for instance). The whole singing time was very Ukrainian, and the people there really got into their worshipping of God. Then Pastor Sergei got up and gave a message on prayer, and why it was necessary. It was a little hard to keep up with the sermon as I had to listen to an interpreter the whole time, but it was nice.

Then came the testimonies. They introduced the team, and us VIAs, and then Bill Brower (a new missionary to the field) and his wife Oksana gave their testimony of how they had been in the states while on furlough. Bill had been in a rather serious accident right before leaving that left the doctors thinking he might not live through it, even less come back to Ukraine. But through prayer and the work of God he has practically made a full recovery, and only has two scars left to show for it. At this news, a woman sprung up and shouted "Let's sing and dance for God", and the entire congregation got up, joined hands, and began to dance in a circle around the sanctuary. It was one of the most uplifting experiences that I have ever had in a church service, and the joy of these people at Bill's healthy return was palpable. I had taken the Ukrainians to be rather reserved people, like I said before, but they were so loving to the Browers, and so overjoyed, it made me want to have the same joy that they have. It seems in the States that we are so concerned with image that we don't allow ourselves to have the kind of joy that demands that we dance on the spur of the moment (that's if you are allowed to dance at all, haha).

The rest of Sunday was spent tourning downtown Berdyansk, which is beautiful and newly renovated. We went by the Sea, which is a nice blue color, and saw several statues, even one of Lenin (whom they fondly call "Papa Lenin" here in Ukraine). Everything commercial in Ukraine seems so similar to the US that it is hard at times for me to remember that there are cultural differences here. For instance, when you go to a store and want a soda, you do not get it yourself but only the staff there can get it for you, even though it is in your reach. I'm sure I'll learn all of these things as I go along, but it's a little daunting to think how much I have to go.

Monday was a holiday here, so we just did a little work in the yard in the morning (moving stones and picking up sticks), and went to a rally in the afternoon. It was national children's day here, and to celebrate local churches put on a parade against abortion. It seemed almost funny for me to realize that the people here in Ukraine have such similar worries as we do in the States. Not everyone just accepts abortion here like I hate to admit I thought about Europe, but many are against it. After the rally we walked around downtown Berdyansk again, and visited a local youth center.

The youth center is called Immanuel Youth Center, and is run by a lovely couple (although I can't remember their names at this point). We had icecream and soda with them (as it is customary to offer something like this to guests, although not necessarily icecream), and had a great conversation. One of the team members, Shushan, is planning on coming back after college to be a missionary here, and has in fact lived here for two years previously doing mission work. She is our main translator around town, and she helps us immensely. I really appreciate the team here, even if I feel a little left out because they made most of their plans without two VIA in mind. But we're helping out where needed, and I'm trying not to get discouraged.

Right now I feel a little useless, because the team doesn't need much help from either Matthew or me, and the missionaries don't want to get us started on our ministries until the team leaves. But through a book I'm reading (The Shack, which is a great book), I'm coming to understand that all of this is God's plan. He's thrilled that I am just following his will, and even though I don't see the big picture of painting a fence (which we started today), it is all for his glory. I'm really hoping to draw closer to God this summer, and learn more about the Ukrainian people. I'm really starting to love them, and hope that love grows deeper and more Christ-like. Christ loves these people just as much as he loves me, which I have a hard time remembering at times, but it is so true. He is "especially fond" as The Shack puts it, of all of us and just wants us to be in relationship with him. That's what I'm trying to do. Well, I'm going to end it here. We're preparing for VBS tonight, which will run through Friday. I'm not too sure how it will work out since most of the kids don't speak English, but I'm sure that it will be great. Pray that we will minister well to these kids, and also for the health of our team. There was a bit of a health scare, that I don't think I can write about here but ask me if you want more details. Everyone is fine, but we have to be a bit cautious right now, and it puts a little damper on our spirits. Thanks so much for your love and prayers.


David

Ukraine at last...

So I finally made it to Ukraine. It took quite a while too. I left on the 28th of May, had to fly from Louisville to Atlanta, Atlanta to Boston, Boston to Paris, and Paris to Ukraine. Might I add that the Charles De Gaul Airport in Paris is HORRENDOUS! It took me over a half an hour to get through security when my plane was supposed to be leaving as I got to security because it took so long for us to get off of the plane in Paris. But that aside the trip went without a hitch (although a few missed flights were nigh at hand once or twice). In Boston I met up with the other VIA who is staying with me this summer, his name is Matthew. He's a really great guy from Columbus, OH (you know you're excited, Dad), and he goes to Ohio Christian University. We also met with a group that is going to be here with us for two weeks from Kentucky Mountain Bible College. They're a really nice group (there's six of them) and they are really hard workers.

Well, my first day in Ukraine was mainly spent in jet lag. We arrived in Ukraine at around 12 pm Ukrainian time (around 6 am for those on the eastern time zone), so I had been up for around 24 hours already. But I am not staying in Kiev, where we landed, which is in the northern part of the country. I am staying in Berdyansk, which is in the southern part of the country on the coast of the Sea of Azov. It's pretty much exactly opposite of Kiev, so we had to take a train ride to get there. But the train didn't come until 8 pm, which meant we had 8 hours in Kiev to spend. I was pretty excited about that, except for the fact that I was really exhausted, and kind of angry about Paris (I really didn't like Charles De Gaul). So we drove around the city, and went to a pretty cool street that had some nice nick-nacks (however you spell that) to buy from Ukraine. We also did a bit of sight-seeing and went around Kiev looking at some monuments.

Kiev is a fairly beautiful city, although I think I prefer Budapest (which is in Hungary for those who don't know). The people are nice enough, and the monuments we saw were beautiful, especially the churches. The Ukrainian Orthodox Churches (sort of like Greek and Russian Orthodox) are shaped like an onion on top like those pictures you see of Moscow or the Red Square. It was neat to see, and I enjoyed it. However, there was one thing that I had to get used to, and that is the alphabet here. I don't think Russian itself would be that hard to learn, but Russian uses the Cyrillic alphabet, which for the most part looks completely different from the Roman alphabet (which we use in English). For instance, what looks like a B in Russian sounds like a V, there's a backwards N that makes the E sound, and a backwards R that makes the Ya sound. It's a little confusing at first, and I was exhausted, so I got into a bit of a bad mood.

However, after a while the missionary who met us at the airport, named Ernie Smith, saw that we were tired, so we ate at McDonald's (I wasn't too thrilled that that was my first meal in Ukraine), and we waited in a lounge at the train station until the train came. Once I was on the train it was great, because they have beds to sleep on, so I slept through pretty much the entire 12 hour trip. That's right, it was a 12 hour train ride. However, where we got off at the train station is not Berdyansk, but another city still another 3 hour drive from Berdyansk. So we got off the train (after I accidentally broke off a spout for the hot water holder and it started spewing all over the train, not one of my better moments) we headed for a car and were off once again to Berdyansk.

I drove with Matthew and the guys one of the guys on the team (there are two) in a car with a pastor of the church I'll be working at in Berdyansk, Sergei. He speaks great English, and we had a nice drive. Ukraine has some beautiful farmland, and the dirt is almost black it's so rich. It's considered the bread basket of Europe, sort of like Kansas or Nebraska in the US. We stopped for lunch at a church Ernie works with in a town called Tokmok (I think), and the pastor there named Peter, and his wife Anya served us lunch. It was delicious and totally Ukrainian. We had little open-faced sandwiches and some cole slaw like stuff that tasted great, boiled eggs with mayo (it's better than it sounds) and fruit. They also gave us a drink called compost there, which is like Kool-aid but made with real fruit. So after Pastor Peter and Anya told us how they met (which was totally by God), we left and finally arrived in Berdyansk.

Now all of this has pretty much been two days, and there are another two days to account for, but I am afraid this post is getting too long, so I will hopefully post another blog later today or tomorrow. I really feel like God is starting to help me be free of some of my doubts here. I am seeing the way he is working with the Ukrainians, and it is wonderful. They're style of worship, the way the rely on God, and the missionaries themselves are all wonderful. I had thought the Ukrainians would be like the Hungarians, but they are a little different. Very polite, but reserved, they want to make friends and try hard to include you even if you don't speak Russian. I am really liking these people, but that is the topic for another post. The Cyrillic is getting easier too, and I have eased up on my initial grumpiness with some sleep. I'm hoping to do some real good here, and want to work hard. Keep me in your prayers, and I'll try to keep this blog up as I can.

David

Expectations...

So it's about ten days until I leave for Ukraine, and it's a little hard for me to believe at this point. My classes are over (finally), and as those of you know who read this blog I've had a pretty tough semester, so I am glad for that. It just seems right now that I'm floating through life.

I've been having trouble sleeping lately, which as I write this seems to have a metaphor for a lot of areas of my life. Not only am I literally not sleeping well (except for last night, as I slept from 12:30 to 3 pm this afternoon, I haven't been feeling well lately) but my heart has been a little discontent. As I have written before, I've had a lot of apathy in my heart lately. It stems from a lot of sources, which I won't get into for many reasons, but it's there all the same. I can't really remember the last time I really read my Bible, and not just to make myself feel better for being able to say that I did it. I haven't been praying much, and to be honest I haven't really cared. I've been feeling a lot lately that the world has been ganging up on me (a teenage sentiment, I know) and throwing everything that could possibly go wrong at me around the same time. I lost two positions I wanted, lots of things have been going wrong in my family as a whole, my grandmother is pretty sick, both my roommates dumped me (which I will not get into because I haven't fully dealt with it myself), I've had a hard time in one of my classes (I got my first B this semester, which I know isn't horrible by any means, but it still doesn't make me happy), and I've been having a hard time getting money together for the internship that I have to do to graduate. Needless to say, I've had a lot on my mind over the past few months. I've been saying that the universe hates me (which sounds oddly humanistic to me), and it doesn't really sound like me.

I'm not entirely sure where this apathy stems from, but it's aggravating me. I've developed some serious hatred in my heart towards God, other people, and especially myself. There are times where I can't go to sleep at night because I'm focusing so much on the reasons why people don't like me. Sad, I know. I try to tell myself that I need to just get over it all (as that is just the way I've been raised, and what I believe in general as most of these issues aren't that important). But it's hard. Even if these issues are small, they are important to me. Is it hypocritical to want to help save the invisible children, and yet feel more concerned about the grades I receive. Is it that selfish? I've come to realize lately that it's ok for me to be concerned for myself, to let my emotions out.

Someone recently told me that she didn't think I responded to anything with emotions. While she was joking, it struck a nerve with me. I'm an INFJ on the Myers-Briggs type indicator test. That means that I'm a confusing mixture if introverted judging (I look logically at the world), and a feeling person (I also rely on my feelings). This type is very hard to get to know, and doesn't reveal his/her true thoughts very often. But they have them, and they think about them often. This is so true of me. I find that I don't have a lot of friends, and that some of those who I thought were my good friends were merely just close in approximation. It's hard for me to be real with people, as I don't feel people would understand me. It's like my generation, we can reveal our deepest, darkest secrets on online blogs like these because they're not real. This blog is not a person, it can't judge me, and any comments people make on here don't directly affect me. It's easier to cope when you don't have to worry about anyone but yourself.

But I don't want that. I want to feel. It was about a month ago that I said to a friend that I didn't want to feel anymore, because it hurt too much when those hopes were dashed from caring too much. But feeling is what makes us intrinsicly human. There isn't anyone out there who doesn't feel, doesn't smile, doesn't hurt. The thing is trying to get through that without breaking down. I've been close to breaking down for a while now, and I really think it's because of my lack of dependance on God. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm all of a sudden so super close to God that I can even presume to know what he wants for me, because I don't. However, I've realized that there is something missing that I had before, and I need to find it again. Please help me to find this by praying for me. I mean it, I need your prayers. Ukraine is coming up in 10 days... and I'm not prepared emotionally or spiritually. I've been hurt, but I know I can find healing, I just need to ask for it. I'm broken, but not beyond repair. And I so need repair.

I titled this blog expectations...and it seems fitting. I meant to talk about my expectations for Ukraine, but I need spiritual expectations. I expect to find God, to commune with him, and to be real. I've been faking it for so long, that I'm not sure I can have real emotions. But I want to find out. I desire so desperately to have real meaning and purpose, and I'm going to look. Pray that I'll find it.

Just a thought.

Well, I realize that it has been a while since I last blogged. I probably won't be on here too much over the next month or so, leaving the majority of my blogging prowess for when I am in Ukraine.

I guess this year has been a bit of a growing opportunity for me. I have been in a pretty big state of apathy as far as my faith has gone. Not to say that I don't care at all, or that I have joined a satanic cult or anything (I've heard the rumors...), but I just haven't really cared much for praying or reading the Bible. I think a lot of it has to do with rejection that I have received in this last year. As some of you know, I ran for my class's class chaplain in the fall, and just recently ran for freshman class sponsor here at Asbury. I did not receive either position, and to make it slightly worse for me I lost to the same person for both. Needless to say, I was a little bitter, especially after the second defeat. I felt, I don't know, maybe a little entitled to both positions. I felt like I was the best person for the job (which I should if I'm running for it), but I felt that I was superior in a way, and I forgot why I was running for both. To start out with, I just wanted to glorify God through it, but with my recent apathetic spell I just wanted the power and notoriety (that may be a poor choice in diction, but I think it applies here). Basically, I had given up all thought of God, if I am honest, and just wanted it to do it. Not that I didn't have other good intentions, but not the right ones.

Well, I lost...twice. It was really hard for me, and I felt like a complete and total loser. I felt like I had nothing to give to the world, and that there was no place for me on earth. I wasn't really doing the God thing, so I didn't have that to fall back on either. But it hit me the other day that this was really a blessing. This whole year has been pretty much terrible for me as far as my emotional state goes. I haven't had a lot of friends, and I've dealt with a lot of rejection and jealousy. But in the end, I think God was letting me go through it. He let me walk through the fire to remind me of how great he is. I'm still not surrendered to God, and it honestly may be a while before I am, but I recognize that I need him and I need a change. Desperately. Like, I don't really like who I am without God. I am needy, bitter, jealous, petty, and a lot of other unattractive adjectives all wrapped up into one sad little man. But I see a lot of hope in God. He has never abandoned me, and after every defeat he gave me something else to strive for, to hope for.

It was in the middle of the agony of my most recent defeat that I had a moment of clarity. I may not be perfect, and in fact I am decidedly not so. But God is, and he has a plan. I felt moved to run for class chaplain again, and I am currently running unopposed (so it is likely to happen). I didn't actually want the position, but I felt led to it. I think that is the best way to approach something with humility. You don't approach it out of a vain earthly desire, but from a desire instilled from heaven. It's better, this way I know that I am not doing something to make me look good, but God. I still desire the position, but not for myself. This way, rejection is a lot easier to take, because I know it's just an opportunity for something else to occur. I want to let others know that it is ok to hurt, and to be angry with God. We all hurt, but we need to deal with it. I am in the middle of healing and dealing right now, and it's hard. I still struggle with being apathetic, and I desperately need your prayers to help me through this time. However, I know that it will be ok. God will lead me through, and it will be better that way. It won't be easy, and I will be rejected again, but He will guide me and hold my wriggling hand no matter what. I love Him for that. I am broken, just hoping for a little glue to come my way. My scars will show, but they'll mend and make me stronger for it. Thank you Jesus for that. Pray for me, and watch me grow (at least I hope). Thanks for reading this.

David

Dreams...

So I've been thinking about goals a lot lately. I had a conversation with my dad the other day about what I was going to do when I got out of college. I've thought about this topic a little, but I haven't sat down and thought out everything I plan to do after I graduate. I had the idea that I would just take a year off and earn some money so that I could actually afford to go to college, and potentially pick a major because right now I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life. It's quite scary honestly. I'm graduating in one year from this institution. I love Asbury, but I can't stay here forever, eventually I have to move on to real life. But real life scares me. I have to get a real job, I have to take control of my whole life, when I don't know what my life is for or what to do. I guess that's the way everyone feels, but I'm feeling this especially right now. I mean, I know I want to work in missions, but I don't know in what respect that is. I'm waiting on God, and I guess it's just a little frustrating, not to mention nerve-wracking, that he hardly ever shows up early, but only on time. I guess I need to learn that his time and mine are different, his being perfect.

But I digress to things of less ultimate importance to my life. I've decided to run for freshmen class sponsor for the new freshmen class next year. This position is unique to Asbury, and I would get to (along with a female sponsor) name the new class, serve as their governing body until they elect their own, give them their class colors, and class verse. It's a huge responsibility, but it's one I've dreamed of doing since I was a freshman here at Asbury. I mean, it's even a little more special to me now since my brother, Richard, will be in that class next year (at least as of right now he will be). I've prayed a lot about it, and while I'm still not 100 percent sure it's what God has for me, I figure I'll give it a shot. If I don't get it, it wasn't meant to be. I guess that's how I run a lot of my life, just go for it and what was meant to be will be. That may not be the best means of living one's life, but it's worked pretty well for me so far.

Returning to major life issues, I'm going to Ukraine this summer. I am psyched out of my mind that I get to go to Europe again for another summer. I will be going through the World Gospel Mission (WGM) as a volunteer in action (VIA). I'm most likely going to be working with youth and orphans as my internship, which I am so excited about. Ever since I was on SMT last summer, I have come to realize that I really love to work with youth. It's just an exciting premise. I love Eastern Europe, and think that might be where God is leading me to serve as a missionary. Maybe this trip will let me have a little more clarity on that. It seems in my life, that God hardly ever gives clarity before it is needed, and I assume this will be the same. Please pray for me as I work on this endeavour that is so important to me. I hope to really learn a lot on this trip. Visiting other places is great, and it's one of my favorite things to do in life, but learning how to be different from the world, to serve and be selfless, that's what it's really about. I want so much to help people through the work I do in my life, and while I may make it a little too glorious in my head, I can't imagine a better way to live one's life. I just have so far to go in my walk with Christ, that I hope he's able to use me in whatever way he sees fit this summer. It's usually different than what I imagine, so I won't be surprised if the summer is a total surprise. But I guess that's what dreams are. You think about them, but no matter what they always turn out different than you thought they would. Maybe that's for the best.

Peru 2008