So...my life is tough. I get to go camping for two weeks and "rough" it. Why am I such a wimp? I don't know, but camping is definitely not my lifestyle. Although the country around here is beautiful. I praise God for it, because it is so different from Kentucky. It's mainly flat with little grassy knolls dimpling the countryside. We're right next to a river (which one I'm not sure). The wildflowers are amazing, so many bright colors. So vibrant and screaming with life. Red, blue, violet, yellow; there's even a cactus-like plant.
This life is so simple it almost makes me want to live here...almost. Live in a tent (which I could get used to), eat what you make, swim, work, and praise God. The Urkrainians here are so vocal and alive. They yell their praises to God, and dance so vibrantly. I want to join in, but I don't know the steps, and I'm afraind of looking foolish. Yup, sounds like me. I want to have faith like these people. They just praise God with their lives, it's who they are. I feel we're missing that in the States; Sergei says it's because we don't have hardships, I don't know.
The first day we just arrived here, at lunch and dinner (and we went swimming). Matthew and I just tossed the frisbee with the kids. It was fun even if they don't know how to throw. There are only 4 kids (all boys) for teen camp that aren't connected to being a helper somehow. Kides camp should have more. It's nice, though, because we get to know them better (Maxima, Ilian, Dima, and Vitalik). There are more workers than kids, but it's fun. The cook here, Dima, says I'll speak Russian by the time I leave, and he'll speak English. I'm not too sure about that, but being the odd man out linguistically does make you communicate better and learn faster. I've already learned quite a bit, although not enough to get by.
Tuesday we did a lot of the same. We woke up ast 6 am (the workers) and have quiet time, 7 the kids wake up, 8 is kalesthenics (uuugh), 0 is breakfast, 10 is swimming, 11 a work job, 12 a lesson, 1 is free I think, 2 lunch, 3 swim, 4-6 games (which we lead), 6 dinner, later we have worship time. On Tuesday we had a bonfire where we sang. Matthew and I got to sing in English, which was great (there are so few chances here). I am so thankful that Igor and Vika are here. They translate for us and withough them it would be a nightmare, even if I'm learning (but mostly signing). It was great to get to see how the Ukrainians worship, which like I said is a lot more vibrant than in the US.
This week I"ve been in another mood. At 7 am todeay I went to worker worship and since I couldn't sing I thought. I am so worried about what others think of me, to the point where I'll actually change myself. I've been living in hate: of others, but mostly of myself. I'll think horrible thoughts that I don't want or would never think of just to show how hateful I am. But today I had a burst of light in a dark time where I struggle to even believe in God. I was looking at the sky when I thought "Who cares if they like me?" Now I know this is an American phrase of defiance, but I meant it. I saw the sky and kenw there was a God who created it, and he must love me to have made it so perfectly. He is LOVE. EVen if I lived to seek only pleasure, I wouldn't be fulfilled, but I am in his love. And it is enough tto be loved by the creator of all and not others. I've been annoying to be liked, but I want to love and if they like me it's a plus.l I've sought heaven in fear of hell, but not because I want to love Love. Heaven and hell are irrelevant, love is the relevance. Without it life is meaningless, and there is no heaven or hell. God is relationship within himself, I learned from "The Shack", and he wants me to join in relationship with him. This is mindblowing to me, and has greatly helped my walk that he is Love, and loves me. I guess that's enough, and I'm holding to it.
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